All You Need is Love - Part 2

In Part 1 of this blog post series I spoke of the Beatles' song: "All You Need is Love," and how many couples believe that's what it takes to stay together: l-o-v-e, love. Yet I suggested that the kind of l-o-v-e, love, that it takes to stay together is different than what many people understand. Many people's understanding of love is that it's based on feelings. And so when the feelings are gone, that's when they're ready to throw in the towel and give up. But the love that makes a marriage go the distance ('til death do us part!) is much different than a feelings-based kind of love. This other love is an unselfish kind. It's a love that's based aside from feelings. And so when the feelings are gone, this love remains. And this love, it says, "You know, I don't care if the toilet paper isn't put on the right way like mom used to do it. I don't care if the toothpaste tube is squeezed from the middle. I don't care if she only wears make-up in public and not around the house. I don't care if I have to search to find his other sock for the umpteenth time." This is the kind of love that enables a marriage to go the distance. It's the love of commitment to your spouse no matter how you feel. "And even if your health is failing. And even if I have to get you in and out of a wheelchair because you're getting older, I'll do it. I'll do it! Because my love for you, honey, has nothing to do with how I feel or if I'm inconvenienced or anything else." This is the kind of love that enables a marriage to go the distance. Those of you who've been married a while know it's true. And it's surprising when you love somebody aside from your feelings - it's surprising how, oftentimes, the feelings, if they've gone, they come back and they're much deeper than before. The Beatles were right. "All You Need is Love" is really all you need in a marriage. We husbands and wives just gotta make sure it's the right kind of love.

All You Need is Love - Part 1

"All You Need is Love." It's the Beatle's song long ago in the 60s. Wasn't it? - those of you who are getting old like me? (Yes, I was around in the 60s!) It's the Beatle's song: "All You Need is Love." And it's true in marriage. All you need is love. And men and women enter into marriage realizing how important love is to making marriage work. And these are "in love." And they know they're "in love." And how do they know they're "in love"? Well, they know it because they feel it. They feel "in love." And when you get around Mr. or Mrs. Right, isn't it true? There are all those goosebumps and chills and light-headedness for some and the hormones start running wild. Amen? And it's love. It's love. It really is! "And I just know it because I have these feelings of love." And then the wedding comes. And the honeymoon. And Hawaii or wherever you're going. And laying on the beach and snorkeling and candlelight dinners. And the Beatle's song, "All You Need is Love." And everything's just going so smoothly. And you're both getting along so well. But then, lo and behold, something happens that you didn't see coming. The first shoe drops, so to speak, as, how many of you know, it always seems to? And the first shoe drops. And you see it. What do you see? You see the toilet paper isn't put on the right way like how mom used to do it back at home when you were growing up. After all, it's supposed to be rolled and coming over the top - right? - and not from under. "Whoever does it from under? Doesn't my wife know anything?" And the feelings of love are fading just a bit after only 24 hours. It happens with some. (How long was it that Britney Spears' marriages have lasted?) But you get back on track despite the toilet paper thing and the feelings of love fading just a bit. You get back on track. And a little while longer passes by in your marriage. And you're living together. And it was the first shoe that dropped a long, long time ago. And now it's another shoe that drops. The difference with this one as opposed to the first one, is this shoe happens to now be the 12,876th shoe that drops. "And you know, I could put up with the previous 12,875 irritations," some husbands and wives have been known to say, "but this is where I draw the line." "And just what's such a big deal with him and - and squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle? I mean, no one in their right mind ever does it like that." Right? Or ladies, maybe in your house - maybe in your house it's - it's the toilet seat your husband just can't seem to remember to put it down. And, quite frankly, that's the last time you're going for a swim (skinny dipping?), thank you. And the feelings of love again - they're all but gone now after 5 years or 10 or however long it is. "After all, I just don't feel like I'm 'in love' anymore," some husbands and wives have also been known to say. And it's what happens to many marriages that start out so promising and with high expectations. And the problem really isn't that love disappears in these marriages after the many shoes that inevitably drop. The problem, rather, I'm convinced, is that husbands and wives don't have it in mind the kind of love that enables a marriage to go the distance. I'll talk more about it in "All You Need is Love - Part 2" to come soon.